Life.

11.12.2O13 <3

Today, Was One Of My Last Days Of Going To Court. And I Could Not Be Happier. Yes, I May Be On Probation. But I Went In There Today, Thinking That I Could Possibly Be Tooken Away To Juvi. I Was Scared. I Have Made Some Really Dumb Choices Lately. Most I Wish I Could Take Back. What Have They Gotten Me? Nothing But Consequences. I Want To Go To College. Like, So Bad. And With What I Did This Summer (Some Of You MAY Know), Could Have Really Kept Me From That. I Had A Felony. I Still Do, But With Being On Probation, If I Follow Threw With What My P.O Has Told Me, It'll Be Lowerered To A Misdemeanor. Why I'm Telling You This? I Don't Know. If I Could Take Back The Bad Choices I've Made, I Would In A Heartbeat. But What's Done, Is Done. There's No Going Back. Now It's All About Fixing Everything. Including, My Relationship With My Dad. I Feel As If He's Hated Me Ever Since I Was In 4th Grade. I Went Threw His Phone, In His Text Messages, To Find That He Had Been Cheating On My Mom. I Still To This Day Don't Know How Long It Was Going On, But It's Over Now. It Has Been For A Long Time, To My Knowledge Anyways. We Argue, EVERYDAY. And It Drives Me Insane. He Thinks I Hold A Grudge On Him For When He Left For Those 4-6 Months. But I Don't. I Resented Him At The Time, Yeah I'll Admit To That. I Packed Up All His Stuff The Day He Left. It Wasn't My Job To, But I Wanted Him Gone For Hurting My Mother. My Mom Was Pretty Much My ONLY Parent Back Then. He Was ALWAYS Gone At Work, Or Out With Friends. For Those 4-6 Months That He Was Away, We Struggled. My Mom Wasn't Working, She Hasn't Been Ever Since She Gave Birth To Me. Now, She Is Going To College. I Was Forced To Keep Secrets Of Things Between My Dad And His Girlfriend. We Would Go Over To His Girlfriends House, And I'd Have To Hang Out With His ANNOYING, Immature Daughter. Getting Told That Her Mom And My Dad We're Getting Married, When He Was Still Married To My Mom. He Was Just Gone For A While. When He Came Back, Things Were Awkward. He Would Drink, A Lot. He Was Way More Aggressive, And When He Got Angry, He'd Throw Things. He Just, Wasn't Himself. It Took Me A While To Adjust To That New Him. He's Gotten Better, A Lot Better. We Still Argue, And There Is Sometimes When I Can See In His Eyes, That He Wants To Punch Me. He Doesn't Though. But I Can Tell He Wants To Sometimes. He May Not Be The Dad I Knew Before He Left, But He Is Still My Dad. I Love Him Dearly, And Would Take A Bullet For Him Anyday. He Doesn't Understand That, Because We Argue 60% Of The Time. I Just Hope He Starts To See How Much I Care For Him Before I Move Out In 2 Years.
Honestly, I Can't Wait Until I Get Older. I Mean, I Can. I Like Being Young. But I Want A Job, And Later In The Future, I Want A Family That I Can Love, And Cook For. A Husband I Can Love Unconditionally, And Take Care Of When He's Sick. Kids That I Can Tuck Into Bed And Go Shopping For And Raise With The Kind Of Love And Respect That Most Kids Don't Get Now A Days. I Want To Be Sucessful In Life. I Want My Life To Be Worth Living. And When I'm 70 Years Old, Sitting In My Rocking Chair, I Can Look Back And Think, "Damn, My Life Was Perfect." I Know My Life Literally Won't Be Perfect, But It Will Be MY DEFINITION Of Perfect. 

Anyways, I'm Done For Now. I Might Post Later On Tonight. 

I Love You Guys <3 

Stay Beautiful. 

~Shelby <33 (: