New Year <3

Guys, It's A New Year. Which Means New Attitude, New Actions, And A Total New Me. This Year Better Be Special And For Damn Sake At Least Different. No More Trouble And Just ... Me <3 Happy New Years To All You Who Are Reading This <3 Make 2014 Something Special <3 

Here We Go Again~

12.16.2O13 <3 

Here We Go Again. 
More Like, Just Me. 
Sitting Here Alone, 
Wondering How This Could Be.
Letting The Music Flow Threw My Veins, 
Feeling As If I'm Going Insane. 
I Promised Myself That Things Wouldn't Change. 
That We'd Be Friends, And It'd Stay That Way. 
Things Aren't The Same, 
Everything Is Re-Arranged. 
Now I'm Scared To Even See Your Face. 
Telling You How I Felt, Was A Big Mistake. 
Deep Down, I Wanted You To Know. 
Not Like It'd Ever Make A Difference. 
I Wish That It Would Have Though.

~Shelby <3  

Survival ~

11.25.2O13 <3 

Life is one big game. You can be defeated early, or you can live until the end of the game. There are challenges to overcome, and things you must do in order to survive. Sometimes things go wrong, and they can't be fix. But you move on. You continue to fight to live to be able to see the end. You can give up, and quit, or you can fight. That's life. You have to do what you have to do in able to survive. And myself, I will continue to do what it takes to survive and make my life as best as it can be. I know there will be some choices that won't be easy to make. Some people will get hurt in the process of some of those choices. But life, is what life is. Giving up isn't an option for me anymore. i don't want to die young. And from now on, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen. <3 

~Shelby <3 

Life.

11.12.2O13 <3

Today, Was One Of My Last Days Of Going To Court. And I Could Not Be Happier. Yes, I May Be On Probation. But I Went In There Today, Thinking That I Could Possibly Be Tooken Away To Juvi. I Was Scared. I Have Made Some Really Dumb Choices Lately. Most I Wish I Could Take Back. What Have They Gotten Me? Nothing But Consequences. I Want To Go To College. Like, So Bad. And With What I Did This Summer (Some Of You MAY Know), Could Have Really Kept Me From That. I Had A Felony. I Still Do, But With Being On Probation, If I Follow Threw With What My P.O Has Told Me, It'll Be Lowerered To A Misdemeanor. Why I'm Telling You This? I Don't Know. If I Could Take Back The Bad Choices I've Made, I Would In A Heartbeat. But What's Done, Is Done. There's No Going Back. Now It's All About Fixing Everything. Including, My Relationship With My Dad. I Feel As If He's Hated Me Ever Since I Was In 4th Grade. I Went Threw His Phone, In His Text Messages, To Find That He Had Been Cheating On My Mom. I Still To This Day Don't Know How Long It Was Going On, But It's Over Now. It Has Been For A Long Time, To My Knowledge Anyways. We Argue, EVERYDAY. And It Drives Me Insane. He Thinks I Hold A Grudge On Him For When He Left For Those 4-6 Months. But I Don't. I Resented Him At The Time, Yeah I'll Admit To That. I Packed Up All His Stuff The Day He Left. It Wasn't My Job To, But I Wanted Him Gone For Hurting My Mother. My Mom Was Pretty Much My ONLY Parent Back Then. He Was ALWAYS Gone At Work, Or Out With Friends. For Those 4-6 Months That He Was Away, We Struggled. My Mom Wasn't Working, She Hasn't Been Ever Since She Gave Birth To Me. Now, She Is Going To College. I Was Forced To Keep Secrets Of Things Between My Dad And His Girlfriend. We Would Go Over To His Girlfriends House, And I'd Have To Hang Out With His ANNOYING, Immature Daughter. Getting Told That Her Mom And My Dad We're Getting Married, When He Was Still Married To My Mom. He Was Just Gone For A While. When He Came Back, Things Were Awkward. He Would Drink, A Lot. He Was Way More Aggressive, And When He Got Angry, He'd Throw Things. He Just, Wasn't Himself. It Took Me A While To Adjust To That New Him. He's Gotten Better, A Lot Better. We Still Argue, And There Is Sometimes When I Can See In His Eyes, That He Wants To Punch Me. He Doesn't Though. But I Can Tell He Wants To Sometimes. He May Not Be The Dad I Knew Before He Left, But He Is Still My Dad. I Love Him Dearly, And Would Take A Bullet For Him Anyday. He Doesn't Understand That, Because We Argue 60% Of The Time. I Just Hope He Starts To See How Much I Care For Him Before I Move Out In 2 Years.
Honestly, I Can't Wait Until I Get Older. I Mean, I Can. I Like Being Young. But I Want A Job, And Later In The Future, I Want A Family That I Can Love, And Cook For. A Husband I Can Love Unconditionally, And Take Care Of When He's Sick. Kids That I Can Tuck Into Bed And Go Shopping For And Raise With The Kind Of Love And Respect That Most Kids Don't Get Now A Days. I Want To Be Sucessful In Life. I Want My Life To Be Worth Living. And When I'm 70 Years Old, Sitting In My Rocking Chair, I Can Look Back And Think, "Damn, My Life Was Perfect." I Know My Life Literally Won't Be Perfect, But It Will Be MY DEFINITION Of Perfect. 

Anyways, I'm Done For Now. I Might Post Later On Tonight. 

I Love You Guys <3 

Stay Beautiful. 

~Shelby <33 (: 

I Wish ~

11.04.2O13 <3 

There Are So Many Things In This World That I Wish I Could Have. Like, Can Josh Hutcherson Be Mine? Can My Ass And Boobs Possibly Get Bigger Out Of Nowhere? Can My Smile Be Perfect? Can I Be A Genius Now? 

But No. Life Is Full Of Unexpected Things. People Die, And People Live. Things Happen And Life Doesn't Go As Plans. It's Not About The Ending Or The Beginning. It's About The In-Betweens. <3

And That's Something I'm Just Now Learning. 

Goodnight Beautiful People <3 

~Shelbylicious <3 (: 

~Beware

10.27.2O13 <3

I'm so stupid. Theres this guy that I like, A lot. But he's a player. What makes me think that he wouldn't cheat on me if we were to be together, if he would cheat on his girlfriend? I'm such an idiot. But I don't want to lose him. He's just, amazing. But it's whatever. My life feels as if it is slowly falling to pieces. I'm done with relationships, I'm done trying. No matter what, I'll never be good enough for any of it. People think I have it all together, because I'm so energetic at school, and happy. I smile and laugh a lot. But I DON'T have it all together. I get sad, and lonely, and hurt. A lot. I just hate bringing people down with me. I keep it in. And I always will. Tomorrow I have school, that should be fun. I get to go and be around a bunch of judgemental people and get talked about some more. Lots of fun. <3

Goodnight Beautiful People <3 

I'm Out For The Night. 

~Shelby <3 

Saturday Night Lights ~

10.5.2O13 <3 

Just Got Outs Of Da Shower My Nigga's. Lookin So Fresh In My Louie Vatons. Just Kidding Guys. 

I Have No Life. I'm Officially L.A.M.E! (: But Itsk. Brianna & Beckii Are Supposed To Come Over Tonight. My Bitches. <---- Kidding, Again. But They Both Can't. :O Sucks Camel Dick.  Don't Judge. I'm Soo Hungry. Subways My Bitch Tonight. I Just Watched How To Eat Fried Worms. Haven't Seen That Movie In Fo-Evs. Like, Gawd. Anyways, My Legs Are So Soft. I'd Date Myself Tonight. 

No Homo. (It's Always Homo). (; I Think I May Be Bi-Polar. Last Night I Felt Like Dying, And Tonight, I Couldn't Be Happier. It's My Ma's Birthday Today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMACITA (x I Dunno How To Spell It. I'm White. Don't Judge. ;D She's 32 Tonight. 

^Kidding. But She Still Looks Young (: She's 45. AND STILL NO WRINKLES. Take That Obama. 

I Dunno Whats Going On With The Government Shutting Down Or Anything, And I Could Care Less. Now, If My Mom Was Shutting Down From Like, Making Me Food, That'd Be A WHOLE Another Story. Her Food Is Bomb, And I'd Die Without Her Goodies. (Talking About The Food She Makes. Not The Junk In Her Trunk.) I Got The Junk Thats In My Trunk From My Mom, So Technically, Her Junk Is My Junk. Ja Feel? (; Yes, Guys, I Am VERY Weird. It's Not Like That Is Anything New. 

And If It Is New To You, Well; 

GET FUCKING USE TO IT. 

Cause Weird Is My Middle Name. -----> Not Really. Ann Is My Middle Name, Btw. (x 

Anyways, I'm Logging Off My Dear Beautiful People To Go And Get My Subway On. (; 

So, As Always, 

I Love You <3 

Sweet Dreams, 

And DON'T Forget That You're Beautiful My Bb's. <3 

~Shelbylicous (; <3